How I Stay Bucktified

Yes, it might appear that I am somewhat of a reactionary.  I admit that most times I'd rather step ball change my foot off into a provocation's proverbial ass and poke it in the eye with my jazz hands rather than pirouette around the room erupting in a glitter explosion of elation. However, in my quest to juxtapose myself and show a slightly more positive side of her Royal Nastiness I wanted to pay homage to the things that make me smile and keep me living life Buck style.

1. The new Trenta latte from Starbucks - because this cup can hold an entire bottle of wine after you've finished drinking the coffee
2. Dwayne, the midget, who rides a tricycle at bachelor parties wearing a sombrero filled with chips and salsa. Talk about making the most out of what you've been given.
3. Kellan Lutz's abs. Have you seen his Calvin Klein ad?
4. My late dog, Beaver Bucki. He was such a badass. It's almost as if he knew he was a cocker spaniel, so he had something to prove. He literally ate his own shit, hated blonds and selectively hated children. I swear he would run away on purpose just so I would have to suffer the humiliation of having to scream out "Come home, Beaver! Beaver want a treat? What's a good Beaver get?" to my neighborhood.
5. Chili con queso or anything with meat and Velveeta cheese because Velveeta melts better than cheddar.
6. Finding not one but two Yani CDs in my jock, frat-boy intern's car.
7. Leaving myself drunken messages on my home phone about how hammered I was the night before.
8. Netflix and Red Box putting Blockbuster out of business. Maybe I won't have to pay them those bogus late fees from when I rented the VHS version of The Craft in 1996?
9. Extemporaneous dance-offs in public establishments ending in the exclamation "You got served!" 
10. 70s-style porn mustaches
11. The fact that my laugh seems to invade most of my co-worker's voicemail greetings or outbound messages.
12. Muscle heads that don't realize their balls are falling out of their boy shorts during Bikrim yoga.
13. Wanna-be thugs who think they are so hard falling flat on their face in the snow then looking around to see if anyone saw.
14. Having my reformed gangbanger former co-worker ask me to laminate the picture of Sug Knight I photoshopped his head onto and asking me if I wanted some of his Hennessy.
15. Any glimmer of a memory of my legendary father, Walter Bucki.